Communication is key

'And, they lived happily ever after."

This familiar phrase is where most fairy tales end. The adventurous journey of a prince and a princess comes to an end and they begin a new life together as husband and wife, a life of promise, romance and above all, love.

But in real life, getting married is when your journey begins and not all relationships end happy. The divorce rate has increased during the past decade: Twenty to 30 per cent among Thais and is as high as 40 to 50 per cent in a few Western countries. This reflects that maintaining a long-term relationship is not as easy as one may think.

Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. Arguments can occur at any time, on any issue, in any situation and without warning. Therefore, long-term relationships require intensive maintenance in a regular fashion.

One of the most important components required for maintaining every relationship shape is effective "communication".

Good communication is a vital component of any healthy relationship. However, to communicate effectively isn't always easy. Every couple needs to know the right way to communicate; talk, behave and listen to keep their relationship healthy.

When conflict arises in your married life, the following tips can be helpful to facilitate effective communication:

- Avoid blame and judgement: Do not assign any responsibility to the other person. Try not to judge your partner's thoughts or behaviour as "wrong". Disagreement with another person's idea does not make you "right".
Instead, share emotions and concerns open-mindedly without blaming anyone. Explain what you think and how you feel regarding the problems or situations.

- Do not make assumptions: Problems usually occur when we make assumptions about what, how or why something went wrong. The conclusions we make are generally based on past experiences and beliefs, which may be incorrect. Therefore, before making any conclusion, ask questions and allow the other person to answer them and then try and understand your partner's point of view.

- Keep your emotions and reactions in control: Don't let your emotions dictate your behaviour. Take control of yourself and try not to react to any situation excessively or aggressively.
Make a purposeful decision about how to respond. Everyone's feelings count, not yours alone. It is important and should be acknowledged.

- Listen! Believe it or not, listening is the most important component in the effective communication process, not talking. Use more of your ears than your mouth. Pay attention to what others say or explain instead of planning your defence strategy while the other person is talking.

These tactics are useful tools every couple can adopt to avoid conflicts and are especially important during arguments.

Successful relationships depend on good and effective communication to keep them strong. Keep your relationship healthy at all times and live happily ever after.